I’ve been wanting to be a writer for almost ten years now. Saying that makes me feel good. I’ve been feeling like I am way behind where I should be in my writing life. But, when the years of aspiration are still in the single digits it makes my lack of accolades feel excusable. I don’t think it would be too fair to call a nine-year old a failure. Plus, my lack of progress can easily be explained by my focus being more directed towards other things. The wrong things.
I taught English as a second language for three years. I spent a year selling solar door-to-door. I worked as a financial services representative for a year and a half. Most recently, I was a Supervisor at a dining facility at the University of Massachusetts and there have been plenty of other odd jobs that have been sprinkled in the mix. None of these jobs have involved me doing much, if any, writing.
In part, I blame the narrative that creatives are supposed to struggle by doing anything to pay the bills and fund their creative life on the side. Mostly, I blame myself for listening to that narrative and even more so for not executing better with the free time I still had. None of these jobs took up all my waking hours. There was plenty of time to write. No tears for me. My main excuse has always been, “I write for myself. I don’t know what I’d say that other people would want to read.”
Cliched quotes are cliched for a reason
“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation,” has been quoted and requoted more than necessary and in plenty of places where it didn’t fit. It has become cliched because it is true and it makes people sound like they’ve read something. People are squirming inside the mold of their lives that they don’t know how they fell into. They are desperate to get out and slip into a new mold of their own creation. I know it because I see it everywhere I go. I hear it in people’s complaints. Most of those complaints aren’t even directed at me, but they are loud and obnoxious enough to be overheard no matter how much I turn up the volume in my headphones.
We can agree that Mr. Henry David Thoreau was well-worded with this statement but, for those quoting the phrase, we should stop pretending that because we’re saying it doesn’t also apply to us. I know it has applied to me. Our quiet desperation is no longer justified. But, I know, our brains are working against us. They are scaring us into being convinced that we should stick with the 9–5 and forget about our other aspirations. I’m snapping out of the cryogenic safety-sleep. Let me see if I can’t help you snap out of it too by analyzing the beliefs our brains or our community are feeding to us.
1. It’s safe, we think
Setting up as somebody else’s employee and getting a paycheck for punching that clock. In my own personal defense, two of the jobs I held in my time of working jobs I was destined to quit we’re sales jobs. I only got paid for what I made happen. It made me feel better that I could say I was getting paid what I was worth but, I didn’t do a great job and that made me feel like I wasn’t worth much.
Punching a clock and trading time for money is a nice way to make sure there will be income on the table. Trying to do something on our own is scary because it means we need to create some kind of value and then get other people to agree with that value. With a traditional job, the value is that you showed up. Regardless of how much work I got done or how well you did it, you were there and you get paid. If we get benefits, that adds a lot of cushion to our brains perceived safe zone.
The unkind reality is that many of those traditional jobs are not as stable as people believe. If those companies go out of business, you are out of a job. If they decide they need to lay off some employees to save money, they have all the justification they need to let you go.
Do we really want to keep ourselves in a situation where we are working for people — and, in effect, depending upon them — when they may actively be looking for a way to cut us loose? That is the scenario that is too often created. People put all their hopes on their job. They spend every penny of the paychecks and expect it to keep coming. For your sake, I hope it keeps coming too.
To step off the gas on my bravado I’ll assure you, good jobs are out there. If you’ve got one and you’re happy, good for you. Otherwise, be careful of finding yourself in a situation that feels too good to let go of. It happens a lot. Maybe we don’t plan on being at the job forever. It’s a temporary solution for an income problem. We can easily fall into this trap because even though a job might be difficult to get, once we’ve got it we feel instant relief. This is another reason we prefer the traditional route.
2. It’s a quick-fix
The moment you’re hired for a job you know you’ve got a paycheck coming your way. All you need to do is show up for the hours and not screw it up. That check will be in your bank account on schedule. Now you can turn your attention to your social life, your relaxation, and acquiring as many of the things you’ve wanted that your paycheck will allow.
If I’m doing my own thing, I’ve got to prove value. Even if I create something of tremendous value, I have no promise other people will agree. I need to prove the value. Even if I successfully prove the value, the likelihood is I will need to prove it again and again and again to keep myself afloat. With this kind of struggle and uncertainty, one can see why that clock punching would sound a bit more appealing.
The best case scenario may occur where something I create explodes overnight and ‘goes viral’. This gives me leverage fast. But, the truth in many of these ‘over-night sensations’ is that someone put it a lot of work that nobody saw before the explosion happened. The one’s that didn’t point in the work beforehand often dissipate from relevance because they don’t know how to maintain their sudden success. They’ve never put in the work.
The power in creating value, proving value, and doing it over again is that I begin to develop credibility. It takes time and effort but, once I have that credibility, it has a value all its own. That is something I can leverage to get more out of my time. It is almost the opposite of the traditional job. One might need to put in more effort for less pay at first, but once the proof is on our favor we begin to receive value greater output. Let’s call them back payments for time put in.
Lusting after money is an unattractive quality. I want to be clear that is not what I’m condoning here. Ideally, your motivation around this pursuit away from the ordinary is not driven primarily by money. Even those who find wealth in the process were usually originally driven by an ambition to create change, to conquer a challenge, or to create something. Sometimes whether you are in it for the money or not, other people will see it that way. That can draw scrutiny which again plans into our minds’ preference for the status quo because . . .
3. It’s accepted
As long as we’ve got a job, mom is okay with it. Wife is okay with it. Husband is okay with it. In-laws are okay with it. Thanks to all that, we are okay with it. We don’t have to explain ourselves to anyone, and we don’t need to deal with the ridicule that might come with more ambitious efforts.
Even if you’ve got a crappy job, it’s accepted. Some may applaud you for ‘doing what you need to do’ to make it work. As long as you’ve got a paycheck coming in, at least you’re trying. Even if this job doesn’t pay you well enough and you are struggling to make ends meet on your wages, you won’t be the only one. People will empathize with you and relate to your struggle. Now you’ve got community.
Positions where people are grossly underpaid exist. If you are doing what you want to be doing for unfair pay, you have a right to focus on improving your situation from within. Take a stand to improve the system for your sake and the sake of others like you. On the other hand, if you are holding back on your aspirations because of your perception of outside opinions, you are creating a corrosive lifestyle that will lead to regrets and resentment.
The good news is people are a lot more supportive than you think. Try talking to them about your ideas and see how they respond. Your expectations of not being accepted may all be in your head. If it turns out to be reality, that only means you need to begin surrounding yourself with new people. This can be difficult, but it is possible. A lot of the ridicule holding us back is often in our heads. Do yourself a favor and don’t make assumptions. Our perceptions of other people is what leads us to number four.
4. It’s not on us
If anything goes wrong within the traditional full-time-job route, the blame is on everybody else but you. The fault belongs to the government, or your employer, or greedy corporations and you are just an innocent victim. Something unjust may happen but even if it is their fault and people do feel bad for you it does you no good.
If we work to create our own career path, we can’t blame anybody else. The risk of not succeeding is a real one. The potential failure weighs heavily on us. But, any failure provides a great lesson as long as it is ripped off and thrown away. Most of us hold on too long.
I do not regret the jobs I’ve had even though they were not what I wanted. Some of them I failed at. Some of them I found I needed to move on. I learned from all them, but I know I’ve kept taking on new jobs because I’ve been afraid of being 100% accountable for my own life and career. Committing myself to writing is about taking more control of my own future.
Grabbing a little more of the wheel
There are many things I cannot control. I want to avoid becoming obsessed with controlling everything, but we have a right to try to exercise our own influence on life. People can be great and still fail. The reasons listed above are not the only ones to stick to the traditional working path and I can’t blame or criticize anybody who decides to stay that route. But, in every job I’ve ever had I’ve always though to myself, “I’d rather be writing.” For any of you that have a similar phrase echoing in your mind, I encourage you to reach over from the passengers seat and start exercising your influence on the direction of your life. I may be creating a dangerous metaphor of cars swerving all over the road but at least I’m finding something to say.
